Divorcing a Narcissist or toxic person or high conflict

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If you can relate to the song (below), we have solutions for maintaining your sanity here.

• Identify their pattern so you know what to expect
• Reply to text messages and emails to prevent endless word salad and set up strong boundaries
• Use their words against them in court and how to present that data
• Decode what they are really saying and reveal their true motive
• Reduce interaction by not feeding them what they are seeking

Dealing with abusive people in the court system can parallel narc behaviors with all the deflection and mud slinging like in this case: https://trellis.law/case/34025/monl001368-24/slaight-loren-vs-giannatasio-nicholas

Divorcing a narcissist can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience. Narcissists typically have traits such as a lack of empathy, a need for control, manipulation, and a strong desire to win at all costs, which can make the divorce process particularly difficult. Here are some of the obstacles you may encounter when divorcing a narcissist:

1. Emotional manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating emotions and may use tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and blame-shifting to control the narrative and make you doubt your own perceptions.
2. High-conflict behavior: Narcissists often thrive on conflict and drama. They may escalate disagreements and disputes, leading to prolonged legal battles and emotional distress.
3. Financial gamesmanship: Narcissists may use financial resources as a weapon during divorce. They might hide assets, lie about their income, or engage in financial manipulation to gain an advantage in property division and support negotiations.
4. Playing the victim: Narcissists often portray themselves as the victim, seeking sympathy and support from friends, family, and even the court. This can make you appear as the aggressor, complicating matters further.
5. Refusal to cooperate: Narcissists may resist court orders, ignore deadlines, and refuse to cooperate with legal proceedings. This can lead to delays and increased legal fees.
6. Child custody battles: If you have children with a narcissist, they may use the custody battle as a way to maintain control over your life and the lives of your children. They may attempt to alienate the children from you or use them as pawns in the divorce process.
7. False allegations: Narcissists may make false accusations against you, including allegations of abuse or neglect, in an attempt to gain an advantage in court.
8. Lack of empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy, making it difficult to negotiate or reach compromises that are in the best interests of both parties. They may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their spouse or children.
9. Dragging out the process: Narcissists may use various tactics to prolong the divorce process, causing emotional and financial strain. This can include repeatedly changing lawyers, filing unnecessary motions, and refusing to settle.
10. Intimidation and threats: Some narcissists resort to intimidation and threats, both emotional and physical, to gain an upper hand in divorce proceedings. This can be especially challenging to navigate, and it may require legal intervention to protect your safety.

To successfully divorce a narcissist, it's crucial to have a strong support system, consult with a skilled attorney experienced in high-conflict divorces, and document all interactions and communications with your spouse. Maintaining your emotional well-being and focusing on your own healing throughout the process is also essential. Additionally, consider seeking therapy or counseling to help you cope with the emotional toll of divorcing a narcissist.

Here is an example of a narcissist text message and how to decode it:

Narc: "I know you took my child out of state right now and are in violation of the court order! I have a right to know where my kid is. And you thought I wouldn't find out."

   Recipient: "That's not true"

Narc: "Yes it is and I will drag you to court and have my kid testify that you are lying and strip you of custody. Nice example you are setting. If your Mom were still alive she would be horrified at how you treat our child like a pawn"

   Recipient: "We are at the mall right now and just had lunch at Cheesecake Factory, so I can prove you wrong and prove that you make things up, just to fight. So go file your motion as I have all the proof I need"

Narc: "I will see you in court you can't prove anything"

This text continues but what really happened here? Send me your thoughts. 

The narc wanted to find out where the Mom and child was. Knowing they can't ask directly, they created an elaborate ruse to get that information. And when the narc wrote, "you can't prove anything" they admitted they are guilty. They are the ones who would need proof, not you. See how that took a twist. They always put you on the defense. 

We can help you plow through this "text mess" and reveal their next move. And they must always have the last word, but oddly, they accuse you of that. 

Yes, you have proof the narc was lying. The courts don't care.

But in the end the narc got all the information they wanted and threatened court intervention. They intended to annoy you and ruin your day because you are out having fun and they can't control that.

And don't forget the "if your Mom were alive.." They will throw in something they know will bother you that has nothing to do with the topic. They will do anything to induce anxiety and stress. Contact me for more on this topic.

Video

Gaslighter, denier
Doin' anything to get your ass farther
Gaslighter, big timer
Repeating all of the mistakes of your father

We moved to California and we followed your dreams
I believed in the promises you made to me
Swore that night 'till death do us part
But you lie-lie-lie-lie-lied

Hollywood welcomed you with open doors
No matter what they gave you, you still wanted more
Acting all above it when our friends divorced
What a lie-lie-lie-lie-lie

You're such a
Gaslighter, denier
Doin' anything to get your ass farther
Gaslighter, big timer
Repeating all of the mistakes of your father
Gaslighter, you broke me
You're sorry, but where's my apology?
Gaslighter, you liar
You thought I wouldn't see it if you put it in my face
Give you all my money, you'll gladly walk away
You think it's justifiable, I think it's pretty cruel
And you know you lie best when you lie to you
'Cause, boy, you know exactly what you did on my boat
And, boy, that's exactly why you ain't comin' home
Save your tired stories for your new someone else
'Cause they're lie-lie-lie-lie-lies
Look out, you little
Gaslighter, denier
Doin' anything to get your ass farther
Gaslighter, big timer
Repeating all of the mistakes of your father
Gaslighter, you broke me
You're sorry, but where's my apology?
Gaslighter, you liar
You just had to start a fire, had to start a fire
Couldn't take yourself on a road a little higher
Had to burn it up, had to tear it down
Tried to say I'm crazy
Babe, we know I'm not crazy, that's you
Gaslighting
You're a lie-lie-lie-liar
Oh, honey, that's you
Gaslighting
You made your bed and then your bed caught fire
Gaslighter, I'm your mirror
Standin' right here until you can see how you broke me
Yeah, I'm broken
You're still sorry, and there's still no apology
Gaslighter, denier
Doin' anything to get your ass farther
Gaslighter, big timer
Repeating all of the mistakes of your father
Gaslighter, you broke me (gaslighter)
You're sorry, but where's my apology?
Gaslighter, you liar

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Emily Strayer / Jack Antonoff / Martie Maguire / Natalie Maines
Gaslighter lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC